Leering, randomness and smut, oh my!
by Sapen
Summary: A gift for Mammy


Harry carefully eased the door open and sidled in, looking around carefully and hugging his invisibility cloak tightly about his shoulders. The room was not what he'd expected. He wasn't sure exactly what he had expected of a room that all students had been expressly forbidden from entering on pain of horrible, terrible consequences of unknown direness, but he certainly wasn't expecting a room that looked like the Dursley's attic.

Not that any of the items were muggle. Quite the contrary, a lot of them Harry had never seen before. The feel of the room was distinctly atticish, though. Piles of items that towered above him were built precariously, with the most fragile looking items at the bottom. Anything that looked remotely functional seemed to be well buried in a stack of, for lack of a better word, crap. A thick layer of dust coated everything, except for a thin trail that marked a path through the mountains of forgotten treasures.

Since this warning was new, obviously the reason students had been banned from the room had to be relatively new as well. Since Harry was reasonably sure that there wasn't a spell to make dust, it should be reasonably obvious to pinpoint the newer objects. He cautiously stepped forwards and followed the path, taking care not to disturb anything.

He heard a light thud from ahead of him and froze. When nothing happened, he edged forwards and peered around a corner. What he saw made him stare incredulously. Draco Malfoy, consumate pureblood and Slytherin, was desperately attempting to return what appeared to be a snow globe to an otherwise unremarkable pile. His elegant robes were caked with dust, especially at the hem, and his immaculate hair was bedraggled. Streams of sweat made tracks through the fine layer of dust on his face.

Harry inched around the corner to get a better look. The Slytherin carefully, delicately placed the snow globe in the pile and tenderly released it, his hand still poised above it for a few long seconds. Eventually, Malfoy sighed in relief and eased his hand back when suddenly the pile collapsed in on itself with a loud crash. The look of horror on Malfoy's face was so comical, Harry couldn't help but snicker.

A snicker he later regret when Malfoy hurled a golden ball into Harry's face, knocking him on his rear and sliding the invisibility cloak from his shoulders. For a brief moment, Malfoy looked as stunned as Harry felt. Oddly, his eyes briefly fell to look at what had hit him in the face and he was bemused to not that it had been a broken snitch.

"Potter!" Malfoy snarled, his wand being whipped out and brandished like a sword . "What are you doing here?"

Harry's own wand shot out and he scrambled to his feet. "I could ask you the same question, Malfoy."

"I don't need to ask," Malfoy sneered. "You want to be the hero so badly, don't you Potter? Willing to break any rule so you're the little Gryffindor hero."

Harry snorted derisively. "And I suppose you're here on a scavenger hunt."

Malfoy's face went blank at the reference before a shrewd, calculating gleam entered his eyes. "Wait 'til I tell Professor Snape that I found you snooping about a forbidden room."

Harry's face darkened. "Or I could tell Professor McGonagall that I found _you_ snooping in here."

Malfoy looked down his nose at Harry haughtily. "And who is more likely to be believed, Potter? You, a known troublemaker and attention seeker who's broken who knows how many rules, or me, an exemplary student who's never broken a single rule?"

"Attention seeker?" Harry asked angrily, stalking towards Malfoy.

"Yes, Potter," Malfoy jeered coldly. "What else does one call your escapades?"

Harry nearly exploded from rage. "Do you mean when I save peoples lives or when I beat you at Quidditch? Because if it's about Quidditch, that only happens because you're a second rate player!"

Colour suffused Malfoy's pale cheeks. "Watch your mouth, Potter," he growled heatedly.

It was Harry's turn to sneer. "Or what, Malfoy? You'll go running to Daddy?"

Malfoy's rage boiled over. "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

Harry reacted by instinct. "_Expelliarmus_!"

Suddenly, the air sizzled with power. It felt like lightning moving through mud, crackling with power and sliding thickly over the senses. An explosion of colours and sounds occurred and then Harry's mind went blank.

"Hurry, Hermione," Ron panted as he loped towards the forbidden room, Marauder's Map clutched tightly in his fist.

Hermione didn't reply, but kept running after her friend. A brief glance at the Map to assure themselves that nobody was lurking about the room to stop them, then they burst through the door. Frantically, the searched through the piles of junk, heading towards the two worrying dots on the Map. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Hermione bumped into Ron as he suddenly stood stock still.

"They should be here," Ron gulped, glancing about.

Hermione noticed faint movement behind a small box. She gestured to Ron, readied her wand and cautiously approached. She blinked blankly at the sight before her.

Two rabbits, one completely white and the other black, were rapidly having sex. The white rabbit's iron-hard tumescence thrust wildly inside the black rabbit's rear. Hermione felt heat flush her cheeks and snatched the Map out of Ron's hand. She looked at it, then back to the rabbits. It was impossible. Really. It had to be. The rabbits couldn't be Harry and Malfoy. Not when they were doing... _that_. She looked at Ron for reassurance only to find he was staring with morbid fascination at the rabbits.

"Ron!" she snapped irritably. "Stop leering at them!"

"I wasn't leering," Ron defended himself. "And what do you mean, them?"

Hermione gestured broadly. "The rabbits are Harry and Malfoy."

Ron blinked. "You're kidding, right? Oh God, please tell me you're kidding!"

Hermione shook her head. Ron made a piteous moan before taking two large steps towards the rabbits. Sure enough, a lightning bolt scar sat on the black rabbit's head. He made a disgusted sound at the back of his throat before kicking the white rabbit off the black one.

"Get off him," he ordered desperately. "Hermione, we've got to help Harry!"

Hermione stared with panicked eyes. "We should take them to Madam Pomfrey immediately."

"Are you mental?" Ron asked. "And tell her what? Harry was in the bloody forbidden room and got turned into a rabbit and we went into the forbidden room to find him? We'll lose Gryffindor a million points!"

The bushy-haired girl recognised the stubborn mania in Ron's eyes and knew there'd be no reasoning with him in this state. "Fine. Just get the rabbits and we'll take them to the Room of Requirement."

Ron nodded frantically, happy to have a clear course of action. He turned to pick up the rabbits only to see the black rabbit thurst his pulsating manhood deep into the white rabbit.

"Stop that," he pleaded with the rabbit, before gripping them both by the scruff of the neck and hurrying along behind Hermione.

Harry blinked drowsily and snuggled warmly into the firm body beneath him. He took a sleepy breath and inhaled the warm, comforting scent of his bed. He noted a slightly uncomfortable pressure on his hip and shifted slightly and heard his bed groan. That wasn't right.

Cracking an eye open, Harry found himself staring into the cold, gray eyes of Draco Malfoy. A dazed glance down showed a naked and very obviously aroused Draco Malfoy. A second's attention and he noticed he was also naked and aroused.

He heard a meeping sound and a sickened groan to his right. Glancing quickly, he could see a pinkfaced Hermione and a greenfaced Ron gaping at the spectacle of the naked boys. Hermione suddenly turned and ran away, dragging a grateful Ron behind her.

Harry was jerked back to the moment by a firm grip on his manhood. Startled, Harry looked at Malfoy. The boy wore a devilish grin and he slowly moved his hand up and down.

"While we're in this predicament..."


End file.
